.Chad Ruin.
If you are looking for me, I will be in my own dark corner,  or perhaps down in the family plot  putting thoughts to rest.  Add me to your horde if you dare! 

The bloody details! 

[05 May 2008|08:56am]
What an awesome weekend! Blythe and I tried to go see Wanda Jackson in Seattle on Friday night. The show was sold out:( One of Wanda's backing band members told us to wait by the door until the first couple of acts are done, which meant 2 more hours of no beer for the very small chance that we may or may not get it. He then told us that we were pretty and we look like we belong inside, that the doorman would pick us out of the line because of the way we looked. Weird... This isn't South Beach. We scooted. It was sad that so many tards went to that show to see the 20 y/o opening acts and had no idea who Wanda Jackson. If you wanna drop names like Johnny Case, put greese in your hair, and sleeve yourself with Sailor Jerry Flash art, You had better fucking know who Wanda Jackson is...posers. Whoops, tangent....

Anyway, we went to the Yen WOK for a couple of drinks and bad kareoki. I love that place! It is Seattle's version of the Jive with a Chinese twist. Every west-side low-life goes there. No I won't say the real name and no I won't give directions. Seattle has a way of making awesome things stupid. Anyway, after about an hour of Blythe getting hit on by crotchetty old sailors, we scooted back to T-town. We went to the Jive and had the run of the house for a couple of hours. About a half hour before last call, in walks the Queen of England. No really. She thought she was the Queen of England, and she refered to her friends as her loyal subjects. We egged her on by telling her we met in a spaceship (which is true DAMN YOU!) and that we were actually from another planet. Good times:) We scooted at last call. I had to carry Blythe. She was a hilarious drunk that night, giggling while I stripped her. Back Story: Since my car is toast a friend of ours loaned us his van, the Astroglide, for as long as we need it. He is the King County Sheriff....:) Between Blythe and I, we have now drunkenly puked in the van numberous times.

Slept for a couple of hours. Worked for a couple of hours. Picked Blythe up, fucked for hours... so sore...totally...worth...every...aching....joint. Watched Heavy Metal and fell asleep to our new obsession Metalocolypse! It fucking rules!!!

Sunday: Mmmmmm Rob's beacon... wrote several pages on the new script. Actually, more like channeled several pages on the new script. It's writing it's self. Went to work. came home, snuggled up with my girl and fell asleep early..........perfection.
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10 things... DAMN YOU! [29 Apr 2008|09:12am]
In response to my rant about that twat Morressey, I have decided to write 10 things that piss me the hell off. These are things that are loved and generally accepted by most people. Or at the very least, overlooked. But, chap me to the point of violence and inner turmoil. In order, 1 being the most hated...

10. Activists: Activists piss me off for this reason. They get on their high horse in a self-righteous attempt to impose their beliefs on others. Don't get me wrong, once upon a time they had a point. Not so much any more. Most of them are weekenders. College-going retards who see a flier in the commons and run around to see if their friends are going. It doesn't even matter what they are protesting. They usually have no idea anyway. For most, it is an excuse to wear bandannas over their mouths and fuck up traffic, because it's "fun." However, some things are worth protesting, like what happened in Tibet. Sadly these are things that I imagine took place on a weekday. Most of the protesters probably couldn't get a ride or maybe their friends had to work so it wasn't worth going. If you believe in something strong enough to annoy me, you better know it front and back and have a point. Otherwise, I might just get out out of my car and protest you with my foot in your ass.

9. Organized Religion: Even if god existed, this would piss him/her/it off too. They put an annoying fish on their cars and other bumper stickers with stupid slogans of pride. Isn't pride a sin? God was invented to justify the hypocritical behavior of people looking to make sense out of all the "wrongs" they have committed throughout their lives. Nothing more. Does it need to be organized? It's also creepy that believers are called a flock. It makes me think of pray animals who's only purpose is to be food. Does that then make god a predator... a slave master. No thank you. That's not to say that there aren't good, well-meaning, jesus freaks out there. I have met several. Those aren't the ones I am talking about. It's good to believe in something. I just think people should start with themselves and move outward from there.

8. Unions: Once upon a time when people were getting shit on left and right, they had their place. Now they are a foundation for the fat, lazy and incompetent who can't get jobs on their own. OR, sadly, people who love their trade, but are not allowed to do it unless they join a union. You pay them so you can work. That doesn't make any fucking sense. And once involved with a union, you are programmed to spread the word about the "brotherhood." I have had to sit through this conversation many times. Fuck unions. Fuck them in their mafioso asses.

7. Sensitivity: I am not saying I'm not sensitive. I am talking about those assholes that you have to sensor yourself around. Women you can't say cunt around. Blacks who cry racism when the only seat left on the bus is one in the back. No dude, your stop was the last stop before the transit center... IT'S THE LAST SEAT LEFT! Giving directions to a gay man... If the directions include the word "straight" and they correct you with the word "forward." WTF! Grow up retard. No ones bashing your orientation, I just don't want you to get lost on the way to Taco Bell. That's another one, "retard." When was the last time anyone referred to the mentally handicapped as retards. Quit being so fucking sensitive!

6. Quentin Tarantino: I hate your movies. You are a hack that has yet to have an original idea. Your career is based on ripping off classic cult films and filling them with excessive dialog that is neither poignant or witty. THEN, to make it even more arrogant, you add a stupid cameo. You cannot act. Fuck you Q, fuck you.

5. Nick Cage: Speaking of people who cannot act... Nick Cage you can't act yourself out of an imaginary box. You are not and never will be Elvis. Elvis was original and didn't get where he was because his uncle was a famous director. And another thing. I love Lynch, but how dare you make me hate Wild at Heart just with your sheer presence.

4. Japanese Food: I don't get it. Anything I have to be dared to eat is not edible.

3. Greenday: You destroyed the meaning of punk rock. You convinced an entire generation of retards that you were punk rock. You are not punk rock. You are 3 chord pop. They bought your bullshit and ate it up. For that you should die in the streets like the poser bitches you are. Greenday, fuck you, die.

2. Art fags: Pretentious pricks who throw paint in front of a fan and have it spray all over a canvas. Pretentious pricks who record themselves playing with a squeak toy and call it music. Pretentious Pricks who shoot movies involving unlikable characters in mundane situations, with dialog that means nothing, says nothing and doesn't drive the story. All these pricks have one thing in common. They all call it "art." It's not art. Learning and perfecting the craft is art. This is something these pricks ignore. Instead, they spend the majority of their time explaining the meaning of their "art." If you had to take 20 minutes explaining to me that a blue square on a green canvas "symbolizes" the plight of Swedish cannibal fisherman, you have not created art. You have created my headache. THEN, I find out somebody paid $25,000 for the work of ass, so apparently someone out there really sympathizes with the plight of cannibal Swedes. WTF! Fuck you art fag. That's symbolic for fuck you.

1. The Beatles: Where do I start with the Beatles. It is because of you that we are plagued with most of the shitty music we have today. John & Paul, your lyrics are not thought provoking or cutting edge or even relayed well in a passionate way. The only reason you got famous is because for the first time 13 year old girls started buying records. You are the first boy band. You were the N'sync of your time and just because you started getting high didn't make you better song writers. It didn't make you socially aware. It just made you high. People only thought you were talented because everyone at the time was also high. Those idiots had kids, who grew up listening to you and started shitty bands of their own. Now, we are stuck with sober, post-college assholes with jingly guitars and even worse lyrics. They are now having kids who will dumb it down even more. Meanwhile, grandpa is still rocking in his Beatles cover band. It's a vicious circle of retardation beginning and ending with you. Fuck you Beatles. 2 down, 2 to go.

That's it. That's all I got. If I have offended some, please refer to #7. Otherwise, thank you and goodnight.
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[28 Apr 2008|01:13pm]
Dear Morressey,

I hate you. Your voice is the audio equivalent of masturbating with 40 grade sandpaper. Just when my eardrums, i.e. cock, are bleeding, you pour salt into the sensitive tissue of these useful organs. Just because you don't use your cock doesn't mean I don't use mine. You have nothing to say. And in having nothing to say, how is it that you still manage to whine on and on about things you know nothing about... like relationships. You don't have sex. I don't trust people who don't have sex. People who don't have sex don't have relationships. They have friendships. Therefore, everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie.

For some reason, there is an entire generation of children who love you. I imagine they are the same children who, like yourself, cry every time a light burns out and they are left sitting in the dark with only their Death Cab vinyls to keep them company. I honestly don't understand the fascination with you or emo in general. Mr. Morressey, you make me want to drown kittens and turn their fur into a beautiful coat, which I will wear when I follow you around, eating steak, drinking whiskey, chain smoking and getting head from all the groupies you DON'T fuck. I would like to open palm slap you repeatedly, and laugh because I know you will do absolutely nothing about it but cry. I have a feeling that even your cry would be a whimper, a soft, pathetic whimper. I would probably lose interest about 12 bitch slaps into it if I didn't have such raw, unprovoked hatred for you. Thank you for your time,

Sincerely,
Chad Ruin
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Western State Mental Institution... is no more... [25 Apr 2008|08:14pm]
Yesterday I took the day off. Blythe had never been over to the Western State ruins before so we thought it would be a fun day hike. Western was a mental institution that had burned to the ground decades ago. The shell that remained and the grounds that surrounded it were well known to be one of the most haunted places in Washington. Sadly when we got out of the car, the sound of bulldozers loomed atop the erie hill. All that was left was the staircase that lead up to the backdoor. The rest is buried beneathe a newly seeded mound. Even the stables were destroyed. Thankfully the asylum cemetary was still there. We found a bat skeleton and a skull, and took lots of pictures. Despite the saddness of losing such a grim landmark, we had an amazing day...



This way to the asylum grounds... )
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update from the end of the world [21 Apr 2008|09:07am]
I haven't posted in a while and probably won't again for a while. I have pretty much dropped off the face of the earth for the time being. Yep, all the bills are cancelled...phone, cable, internet, car insurance, and garbage. All that's left are essential bills. I am crashing with Blythe until my house sells, which has been AWESOME! I have it up on forsalebyowner.com. I feel pretty disconnected, but all is well. I posted it Thursday and so far I have had 2 calls, 10 emails and 82 views. Not bad considering the market and the fact that I don't even have my signs yet or even advertised a stitch. YAY! Even though I haven't had any showings yet, I feel like things are really starting to look up. I will be back in no time.

Also, I have been writing tons! I feel so much better about things when I am able to do creative stuff. I am past the halfway point on Man of Perdition. FUCK YES!
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[15 Mar 2008|09:46pm]
Here is the plan...

I am going to get as high as humanly possible and forget the past 2 completely horrible days. I have spent 2 years... 2 BACK BREAKING FUCKING YEARS on this house!!! I dropped 50 grand of money I don't have on remodeling it. I have been through hell, put my baby through hell, missed so much work, and not done shit creatively...which to me may as well be suicide! For what?! For fucking nothing!!! My realestate agent tells me that the way the market is right now, I can only get $219 for it......losing exactly how much...$50 fucking thousand dollars!!!!! Everything I have done means nothing!!! I am so angry! I am angry at myself and the fucking universe for shitting on me once again! All I wanted to do is make a fucking movie! I just want to make a goddam movie! I risked everything to do it and lost! I am so fucking angry at myself to think that if I could just show people... I know what I am capable of and it's like I just wanted someone to believe in me. When nobody did, I took it upon myself and failed! I am the perfect failiar in every way. When I wrote shit that was good, I won. When I wrote shit that was great, I lost. Agent's have gone so far as to tell me they love my shit but cannot represent me because of how there peers would precieve them! What does that even fucking mean!? what, it was too innovative, pushed too many lines!? What!? I exhaused every angle. And when nothing worked, I believed in me and decided I don't need anyone. I can do it alove. I wasn't even enough for me.... What the fuck! Really, what the fuck! It's like I want to say there is something wrong with me for thinking I could do it, but I can't! It makes me doubt myself. I want to fight but I feel crippled! Why can no one see me? Am I inflated? I just wanted to make a fucking movie for fuck sake! I HAVE TIED AND TRIED AND TRIED. And when I was told I should give up, I kept trying. When I told myself I should give up, I fought anyway! Am I in a kid's dream!? I don't believe the universe owes me, but every now and then, I want a little pay off. Just a little something to keep me interested in tug-o-war!
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This is more for me then anyone else. [11 Mar 2008|05:29pm]


IT'S DONE! IT'S DONE!! IT'S DONE!!! It has taken me 2 years, but my house is finally done! Literally... 2 years of blood, sweat and tears. I am very proud of myself and exhausted. I have never remodeled a house before and never want to do it again. I tore it down to studs and rebuilt it by myself for the most part. During the remodel, I have been attacked by a 'possum, endured a several month long mouse infestation, taken 5 rusty nails through my feet and numberous cuts and gouges on every square inch of my body. I have been plagued by the ghost I live with (but have grown to love,) gone severely into debt to the point of near bankruptcy, not to mention more sleepless nights then I care to count. I went through all of this to fund my first feature film. Unfortunately, I will probably only break even. The way I see it though is that even though I failed, it took balls. I knew it would be a risky investment, but I didn't give up and I fought with everything in me to make it happen. No matter what happens with selling it, I feel like I won. The place is GORGOUS! I am sooo ready to go back to a nice little apartment and do little things, like buy stuff for myself and never check my bank account, GO ON VACATIONS, shop for groceries, spend Saturdays at a coffee shop just writing. I get to make movies again and not just work toward the possibility of making movies! That makes me happier then I can express. YAY for me!!!
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FLESH! VOTE! FLESH! [04 Mar 2008|02:16pm]
If you haven't seen the my girl yet, 9 months pregnant and killing zombies, check out our entry for the George Romero Short film contest. We have had a hell of a time catching back up to where we should be after we got sabotaged, So if you like it enough to repost, please do:)



To vote, all you have to do is click "Trash Day" above the video below. Watch the video, then click "booyah" and "add to favorites" within the video page. Only 1 vote per IP Address please. Thank you all so much!

Trash Day

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If you haven't voted yet, PLEASE, I NEED YOUR HELP!!! [24 Feb 2008|06:56pm]
Hey everybody, my short film, "Trash Day," is entered in the George Romero short film contest. I watched my numbers go down overnight from 87% to 50%. I was actually winning! I cannot prove it, but I recieved several messages about another contestant who has thousands of friends. I am not naming names because I cannot prove it, but based on these messages, I believe he is telling his thousands of friends to vote me down in order to win. I think he attacked me because I was the only real threat, actually winning on talent alone. This upsets me because I am playing fair. There are 10 semi-finalists chosen by the public. From those 10, George himself chooses 5 to go on his new DVD... The one who wins becomes the featured short. The damage this guy has done to me has booted me out of the top 10, making it impossible to even get the chance to be seen by George. I can handle losing a fair fight to someone who is better then me. This isn't losing to someone who is better then me though. I am getting shut out of the fight altogether by a coward who knows he will lose to me one on one! That's just WRONG!

So please, if you haven't voted yet, I NEED ALL THE VOTES I CAN GET!!!



To vote, all you have to do is click "Trash Day" above the video below. Watch the video, then click "booyah" and "add to favorites" within the video page. Only 1 vote per IP Address please. Thank you all so much and if you like the movie enough, please repost.

Trash Day

Add to My Profile | More Videos
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[22 Feb 2008|12:24am]
Here is your drunk Ruin post. HA! it has been a while since I have done an oblivion post, so here goes. I love my friends. It's nice to look around at your real truest of friends and think that in the heat of a really great conversation. I love you all so much an d i am just so happy to have you in my life. I wish nate and my baby could have been here tonight. that would have beeen a perfect evening... goood night all.
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[21 Feb 2008|03:19am]
Wow! I must have been exhausted. I came home from work at 4:30 this afternoon and passed out immediatly. I just woke up. It's nearly 3:30am. I feel great but I don't have to go to work for another 4 and a half hours. Maybe I will throw on Lord of the Rings. I love those flicks but they always knock my ass out. Yeah, more sleep...
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George A. Romero's Short film Contest! Watch and vote or I will be forced to sick Zombie Joe on ya! [20 Feb 2008|01:06pm]
Hey everybody, I'm at it again! George Romero is having a short film contest. The winner's short film goes on the DVD for Diary of the Dead. I REALLY WANT TO BE ON THAT DVD!!! Please watch my submission below and give me a thumbs up if you like it. Just to let you know I am serious about ZOMBIES, here is a still from the set of "Trash Day." To vote all you have to do is click the "Booyah" button, then click the button next to it that says, "Save to Favorites." Only one vote per IP address. If you like it enough to repost it in other communities and personal journals, then you absolutely fucking RULE!!! If not, that's okay too:) Thank you all so much!!!



Trash Day

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VOTE HERE!!!
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NEW STUFF! [13 Feb 2008|11:22am]
I can't talk about it, but I can tell you that Ruinous Pictures has something new coming very soon. Yesterday's shoot was beyond perfect. It was like the planets aligned and alowed us to make something truely morbid. YAY! I am so excited to be creating again! I just wanted to say thank you again to the cast and crew. You all fucking RULE!!!
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[02 Feb 2008|11:15am]
There was an awesome weirdo on the bus this morning. You know how sometimes you see someone whose sense of fashion is so bad they almost look like they are in disguise. That was this guy. I believe he was going for a cowboy thing when he woke up. His hitler stache was slightly off center. He had a massive mop of un-naturally curly hair tucked under, yet overflowing from beneath one of those huge old west miner hats. The bill was flipped up, making him look like the classic bumbling drunk from every western film ever made. His brown leather vest was a size too small and his gut seemed to pop out the top and bottom like a can of biscuits. He walked like only one of his feet were pigeon toed and he wore huge sun glasses that were sat on at one point and repaired badly. He sits down in the front of the bus.

About 2 miles up the road we pick up another guy. He was the Indian version of the cowboy. His dress and mannerisms were identical. The only thing he lacked was the hitler stache. The "cowboy bizzaro" sits across from the cowboy and they stare at each other for a couple of stops. Eventually they introduce themselves and strike up a conversation about their hats. It was obvious they had never met each other and were not acting. They were completely enthralled with the odds involved in two random people picking out the same hideous outfit. They proudly trade hats and wear each other's hats for the duration of their ride. They trade back when the cowboy gets off. "It was very nice to meet you," says the cowboy. The Indian replies with a, "Likewise, friend." The bus continues on and the biggest of grins stretches across the Indian's face as he runs his fingertips along the brim of his awful hat. It was beautiful. I wish I had my camera with me.
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[29 Jan 2008|02:16pm]
Ever since I thought I had an online stalker and skipped Halloween this year because I thought I was going to get knifed, something I do now if I am at work and bored is google my name to see who has been talking about me. I know it sounds like paranoia and it was at first, but now it has become a strange curiosity. It is so weird to stumble across Japanese and Russian fan sites. To read blogs from people in other countries who are fans of my work and talk openly about it. It's such a strange sensation, I can't quite describe the feeling. It's not ego. It feels more like just being thankful. I doubt that makes any sense. When I read that stuff, I think, wow, here I am just some guy. I am an electrician during the day, nothing special. I just happen to make movies and take pictures in my free time. I wish it was all the time, but I am trying to fix that. I haven't even shot a film in over a year and to find fan sites around the world is just really neat. I want to hug each and every person and tell them thank you. This will get me through my troubles and I will make more for you:)
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[21 Jan 2008|09:25am]
What a strange morning. It must be a holiday or something. I almost never remember holidays because I have worked nearly every single holiday for the last 15 years with exception of Christmas, the only one I would rather work on.

It felt like waking up in "28 Days Later" or better yet "The Last Man on Earth," the movie it was stolen from. No dogs barked on the way to the bus stop. Not a sole was on the bus. The only vehicals on the road were emergency vehicles responding to a call. No one was at Starbucks. And, I have been at work now for about an hour. I have yet to run into another person... freakin' weird. Everything from last night's show looks like it was dropped and people ran for their lives. I think I am going to go home before I find teeth and a clump of hair in a puddle of blood.
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My birthday adventure... [07 Jan 2008|07:16pm]
Okay, remember how I told you that you better come because weird shit always happens when Blythe and I go out drinking. Well, if you missed it, here's the skinny. It was one of my best birthdays yet. We meant to go to the Jive, but it just happened to be one of those weird occasions when the Jive has live music. When you want kereoke and you get emo, it has the potential to ruin an evening. We drank a pitcher in about 30 seconds and bailed to PSP.

Lots of Prince was sung for me, YAY! I got some of the greatest gifts I have ever got and almost all of my favorite people were there. Two of my favorite presents were from Robbie and Blythe. From Robbie I got a shirt that she had made for me, it says... "Prettier Then Legolas" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! From Blythe, I got an original painting by Miss Charlotte What. She is one of my favorite painters EVER! My baby rules so hard!

Much drinking ensued!

The best part of the evening came when I stepped outside for a smoke. I light up and look up the block. There's Blythe bitch slapping some guy who has his pants down around his ankles. Now, Blythe is a girl who can take care of herself. It's one of the things I love about her. But, when you see your girl slapping a guy whose pants are down, it becomes something that requires investigation. I run up the hill with Scott, who has just stepped out also. At this point Blythe is closed fist punching the guy in the face. As soon as pantless guy sees me, he throws a swing. I had already been professionally drinking for about 6 hours by this time so I was ripped enough that everything happened in "Matrix Vision." Keep in mind too that I am wearing leather pants, a fur coat and have rhinestones glued to my face. I rear back and he misses, but in one fluid movement, I grab his arm, removing his jacket and right hook him at the same time. It was sweet! While this is happening, Blythe casually chews her broken nail off. I toss the jacket over my shoulder and Blythe halls him out to the middle of the intersection. She resumes kicking his ass. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! It was hilarious to just sit back and whach my girl dressed like a hooker in a David Lynch film beat up a guy without any pants on!!! As she walks back to Scott and I, she yells back at the guy, "You didn't even fuck up my wig, you piece of shit!"

What a gloriously entertaining night:)
Happy birthday to me!
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Happy Birthday to me! [04 Jan 2008|11:48am]
Saturday, Jan. 5th is my birthday. Come party with Blythe and I at the Jive. Well, because you never know what trouble we will get into, but you do know it will be entertaining what ever it is! HA! We'll probably get there around 9ish or so. YAY!
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[01 Jan 2008|05:36am]
OMG! HAPPY NEWS SYEARS EVERYBODY!!!

Tonight was fuching crazy! I wish you could have been here baby! I missed the fuck out of you!I just giot home and my neighbors were out getting stoned in the front yard, "Anyone gettying home at 5:30 am is a friend of ours." tey invited me over and and smoked me out, then told me ov all our exploits. Apparently twe are LEDGENS!!! HAHA!! The were in the backyard when the polise chowed op and also when whe upset Rhi a little with our s7m play and broke the wine glassed ing the garqage! HAHAH! Tacoma .......... then the world. I love you darlin, I hope you had a good time tonght. Imiss you, sweet dreams..
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[28 Dec 2007|03:22pm]


Christmas was amazing! Blythe and I took Kitah to the beach. We stayed in a little beachside inn that sat on top of a cliff overlooking the ocean. We got there later in the evening on Christmas Eve and woke up to snow in the morning. We chased the dog as she splashed around in the surf. While wrestling with the dog, Blythe whipped herself in the face with kelp. HILARIOUS! The whole thing happened in slow motion. 12 feet seaweed comes flying through the air and crack! I hear "AAAK!" then laughing. I'm like, for a minute there I thought you hit yourself in the face with seaweed. After her laughter subsides, she shows me her face which is already bleeding. I had to pick green goo out of her eyelid. The welt was immediate... I am so happy to be with a girl who can handle pain. Anybody else, myself included, would have balled. It looked painful as hell.

On the way back, I let Blythe drive in the sand. HAHA! I am going to take her to honeymen this summer to drive odysses. She did great, but i would like to see her in something with rollbars;) We came back to the hotel to a blinking light on the phone and learned that check-out was at 11. Whoops! The maid came into the room and saw our "toys" lying everywhere while we were out. Tehe! They let us stay the rest of the day without paying, because this place ruled that much. We got all fancied up and ate a fancy dinner. It was adorable to see the wound on Blythe's face weeping through her makeup. I can only imagine what they must have though happened after seeing the small cashe of S&M impliments scattered about our room. Merry Christmas indeed.
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[24 Dec 2007|10:37am]
Well, the past few weeks have been really hard. I have been going out tons, drinking mega-tons and tried being intimate with other girls. In all honesty though, nothing compares to Blythe. Not even remotely. I have been forcing myself to do these things as an attempt to get over her. Anyone who has ever met her will tell you though, there is no getting over her. She is one of a kind, and the only person I have ever believed in a future with. We have been talking a lot the past couple of days. It's been nice. I think we have both learned a lot in the past few weeks about ourselves and eachother and we are going to give it another shot.
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[19 Dec 2007|01:36pm]


When ever I am depressed I like to do self portraits. It's not a vanity thing at all. I think it's more like the process of concentration that feels good about it. Putting on the makeup and becoming another person is thereputic to me. Maybe it has something to do with my love of Halloween. I don't know.
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[15 Dec 2007|05:21pm]
Jesus Christ last night was insane fun!!! Santarchy ruled! 50 drunks in Santa costumes riding around on a bus wreaking havoc. I just woke up and realized there is video out there. I must say, I am terrified to see what the hell I did. Whoa, now that's drinking at it's finest. HAHA!
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[12 Dec 2007|05:57pm]
I just got the raddest phone call EVER! One of my very best friends in the world won the fucking lottery! Can you fucking believe that. I have known him longer then anyone and know him better then family. He was pretty much a junkie for the better part of the ninties. He had a really hard time and I tried to get him clean to no avail. He had sunk so far down that there was nothing I could do but say goodbye. I honestly thought that the next time I would see him it would be in a casket.

We didn't talk for seven years. In that time, he got clean, got married and had kids. He is happy and healthy and I could not be prouder. A couple of days ago, he was doing his finances and realized that he was quickly going under. He said, fuck it, and bought a lotto ticket. He actually fucking won. What a lucky bastard. I think I will buy a lotto ticket tomorrow. I have already been struck by lightning, why the hell not!
5 needles...Add a needle to the doll

[11 Dec 2007|12:46pm]
The past few days have been awesome! I can feel the haze dissappating. Old friends, new friends and family. It has been so very nice. Haven't really slept in about 4 days, but I feel great. Spring in my step even. I can tell when I feel like myself because this weird phenomonon happens. Perfect strangers ask me for my autograph. I say, "I am not famous." And they say, "You're not? You should be." I don't know why, but this has happened to me my whole life. It hasn't happened in a couple of years, maybe even a few years. I feel like me again, even if just a little. I am stepping firmly, alone and tall. Fuck yeah!!!
10 needles...Add a needle to the doll

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